The Emotional Burden After Surgery

I was wondering how long I would emotionally be okay after having a hysterectomy. So many parts of my life have been affected by my uterus. I have four amazing and beautiful children whom I love with all of my heart and each one of them survived the first part of their life in my uterus. The fact that it is gone now is a little heartbreaking. If something were to happen to my family, there is no way that I could ever have another child. I can't imagine losing my children to a tragedy and never being able to have children again. So, there is an emotional turmoil that I am feeling this day, three days post surgery.

What Did I Expect? 
So, you might be wondering just what I expected to come of my surgery. I know that I was expecting to feel better and to have less problems that I had been facing, but I was not ready to face the extensive issues and fears that I have been feeling. This is something that is happening and has happened and obviously there is no going back, but am I still as much of a woman as I was before? Will I still have the same respect and love from those around me now that I could no longer have children ever again?

I guess, I wasn't expecting to have this sadness creeping over me from the hysterectomy. I wasn't expecting to feel sorrow for my uterus. Let's face it, she was a cunt and had been causing me constant problems since she had come into my life. I was not ready for the pain that she was bringing forth and I was not ready for the fear that was happening inside my head.

Saying Goodbye 

Maybe my struggles came from not saying goodbye to her properly. Maybe my uterus who had always been with me deserved a formal goodbye. A formal farewell to what was and a welcome to what was to become was an idea that I had was taking in stride as I attempted to see the reality of what was happening and how it would be good for me.

I know that I made the right choice for me, my family, and my body...but then why was I struggling so much saying goodbye to a part of me that I did not really like? Why did it hurt to know that this part of me was never going to be around to throw me off again?

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